Suffering from Grief

Our close friends would have know what happened to our family in April 2003.

That was the peak of the SARS period, that was the time Jiaheng was born... that was the time when my mother-in-law was diagnosed with SARS. My mother-in-law was in ICU for a whole month. We nearly lost her. Somehow, coincidentally or miraculously, she pulled through after Jiaheng was born.

I still remembered we had to choose a name for Jiaheng real fast! Cos we wanted to fax the name to the hospital so that the nurse could read out the name to her while she is in coma. "Mommy, your first paternal grandchild is born, we have named him 郭家亨。Get well soon and come home to us. We are waiting for you."

We chose the name 家亨 as it also carries the meaning of 家运亨通。 So that our family can pull through this crisis together. And we did.... fortunately.

The unfortunate thing was that Kai Hock was "quarantined" when I was about to give birth to Jiaheng. Why quarantined in inverted commas? Well, we are not in direct contact with my mother-in-law since the time she fell sick, but the hospital and my gynae felt it will be safer for the baby and me if Kai Hock was to stay away for a period of time.

I still remembered it was a tense period in the hospital. Everyone was so "fearful" of me... that I had to go through the delivery all by myself, operated in a brand new theatre, stayed in a special ward after delivery. On one hand, we could have chosen to keep quiet about my mother-in-law's case cos we are not even staying with her nor came in contact with her before she was admitted. On the other hand, we chose to be civic-minded and informed the hospital and got faulted for all these. Frankly speaking, I still feel sad when I recall all these.

Guess the worst part was that they isolated Jiaheng from me after birth. And we are getting the repercussion of this incident after nearly 5 years.

Jiaheng is suffering from grief. :(

I still remembered Jiaheng had a nickname called "cool man" when he was a baby. Why? Cos he never seem to nap just after he turned 4 days old. Always alert and looking out for people. Then it is the most daunting task to get him to laugh. Usually, when you do some silly things to tease a baby, they will be giggling rit? Not for our baby. When we finally get him to giggle, it will not last more than 10 secs.

Jiaheng has been a great learner since young. In fact, I can proudly say that he achieved most of his milestones ahead of his peers. The only thing that doesn't seem to have been activated is his ability to sleep through the night. Hey! I thought babies should be sleeping through the night by the time they turned one year old? If not, two years old?

Nay! For Jiaheng, he still wakes up in the middle of the night coming to 5 years old. What does he do when he is awake? Yes... to look for Mommy. Just to touch me or to snuggle close, then he can go back to sleep.

Everything makes sense when we consulted our natural therapist. Apparently, Jiaheng is suffering from grief. We always thought that babies will only have their first memory by the time they are 3 years old... actually, they can have memories from the moment they are born... or even in mommy's womb! They can have feelings. Amazing right?

Imagine, you are separated from Mommy for one hour when you are 5 years old. Is it long for you? Now imagine, you are separated from Mommy for 24 hours when you are barely an hour old. That is MORE THAN A LIFETIME of separation!

Well, all these are in the past. We are now looking to the future. We are glad we have answers to questions that have been lingering in our minds for a long time. We are even happier that Jiaheng has been treated.

To a better tomorrow... And son... we are sorry to put you through all these. We want you to know that Papa and Mommy love you very much. Sleep well at night.

-------- posted by Mommy